I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of relationships.  And of the word "love". 
Many would assume that it's just a fear of commitment, but it's not. (Well maybe a little bit)
Beyond love for friends and family, I don't. I just... I don't feel.  Anything.  
Other than "Oh you're cute and funny, I kind of like you", I am cold and emotionless.  


This is probably why all of my past relationships have been ended, rather harshly, by me.  Only after I pretend for a while because you know what.  I don't like this. 
I don't like feeling cold and emotionless, unable to love anything.  Unable to properly express my emotions.  Not even through music, which definitely feels worse to me.  


I'm afraid of love, and it's double meaning.  I'm afraid that someone is going to turn around and tell me that they love me (highly unlikely, but bear with me), and I'm sitting here incapable of reciprocating.  Because I just CAN'T.  
What if I never do.  What if I end up alone, for the rest of my life, unable to love anyone.  
I don't want to be alone, I really don't. 
And I also don't want to hurt more people because of this.