I seem to be abusing all inanimate objects lately. I like throwing things. Not at people though, and that's the only self restraint I'm showing right now.
Nothing like a good 20 minutes of playing piano, quite angrily, and then breaking down and bawling your eyes out.
It was extremely unattractive, as it usually is when I cry.
But it kind of felt like something out of a movie, where the girl (or guy) is heartbroken and just cries over everything.
But no, my heart wasn't broken (I don't really have a heart to break, remember? Heartless, that's me). But just... I was broken.
You know, for 6 years I was confident. I was convinced that I had "talent", and that one day, I could go places. She convinced me, that with my abilities, I could make it to UofT, for musical performance.
Obviously, that's not going to happen. I'm going to be a teacher anyways. I'm fine with this.
I'm still planning on auditioning for UofT though, maybe (MAYBE) I'll make it in. I still have this dream, I really do. It motivates me and pushes me to work as hard as I can.
Yesterday, it was more or less crushed. By, you guessed it, my mother.
It was her, my best friend's mother, and I. Sitting on the couch, talking about university.
When asked where I was hoping to go, I listed universities in Ontario.
York, Western, Laurier... UofT.
My mother then turns to me, laughs, and says "Really Rachel? Come on, let's be serious. You can't make it in to UofT."
You can't make it.
You can't.
Let's be serious.
I don't even know what else to say right now, other than I'm quite devastated. I don't want to be serious. I want to hold on to the tiny shred of the dreams I once had.
So stop crushing me.
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